We had a little girl!!!!!! Elsa Whitney Spriggs arrived six days early, on October 22, 2010, at 8:27 p.m.!!! She weighed a teensy 6 lbs, 3 oz, and was 19 1/4 inches long. And so perfect!!!! I’ll be doing a big big blog post with her birth story very soon – it was seriously the most amazing day of my life and I’m mad at myself even now that I’ve waited so long to write it out, I don’t want a single memory to fade. I wish I could tell every person I see about the story, seriously every single tiny part of that day is so perfect in my memory – even the pain!
Here’s a quick photo of Elsa and I soon after she was born, I love this so so so so much, words can’t describe. And yes, I had messy eyes – I cried a little I know I think at the beginning of pushing cause I was scared, and I know I cried a lot when Elsa came out and was laying on my chest crying, the feeling of looking at my baby for the first time was so incredible, and of having Jody kissing me and telling me how proud he was of me, and of him telling me she was a girl – oh all too much to handle and the tears were flowing! 
Elsa is 2 1/2 weeks old now and she’s seriously so perfect, I sometimes still stare in amazement at every perfect little part of her and am in amazement that we made her and I grew her inside me. It gets me really teary just thinking about the miracle of it all. I’m doing well, much better actually than I thought I would be doing at this point. But every day is different and I never know what that day will be like, and some days I’m up and some days down, just depending on how the day is going. I’m sure every mom can relate and I feel like I’m very much in the norm of what probably most women go through when they first become moms.
Emotionally I’m pretty stable, of course some days I cry from this or that, but I thought I’d be much more fragile right now. And I’m getting used to being a mom and some days feel like I’m doing really good, and other days when Elsa is really fussy I feel like a failure. I still am not comfortable going out by myself with Elsa – either driving with little her alone in the backseat (I think I’ll stop a bunch of times the first time I go out with her) or with trusting that I’ll remain calm and in control if she has a breakdown when we’re out. So I do feel a little stuck here at the house some days, and miss being able to just go get in the car and drive. I know I’m in the adjustment phase, learning to fit into my new life as a mom. I’m so in love with little Elsa, she’s sweet and adorable and makes so many wonderfully silly little faces and even her cry is (usually) cute! And yet I also have self-doubt some days, loneliness some days, guilt some days for not spending enough time with my kitten babies, and occasionally sadness from missing my old life. So it’s very up and down. But I’m happy!!! And in love with my little girl!!! And also I have to say, and I’ll elaborate on this much more in the big post – Jody has been and continues to be absolutely amazing. He’s my rock and my supporter and my best friend through all of this, and I feel like we’re such a team which I love, and he’s so encouraging and understanding and supportive and takes care of all the cooking and on days when I’m stressed and feeling bad for not being able to get anything else done besides care for Elsa, he tells me that’s all I need to do. He’s seriously so amazing and has been so much better than I even ever dreamed, I’m so thankful. And he was beyond amazing at the hospital, too, which I’ll write more about in that post!
I’m happy to report that I’ve lost 25 pounds already, and have 20 left to lose. My belly is actually pretty tiny now, just a little buddha belly, and it doesn’t have nearly as much loose skin and I had feared, it actually doesn’t look too bad at all (and I never got stretch marks – yay!)! I think 15 of the 20 pounds that I still need to lose is all in my butt and some in my upper legs, that’s kinda depressing cause I know that will be harder to lose. And about 5 days ago when I was in the shower I suddenly realized my ankles were back!!!! Yay!!!! It took almost 2 weeks for the swelling to fully go down, but now my ankles and calves and even upper legs look so skinny to me, it’s fabulous!!! I’m very happy with how quickly my body is going back to normal, I feel like I look really good for just having had a baby! And I’m feeling probably 75% better from the episiotomy now. The first week was awful, so hard to move, so sore, often painful, it wasn’t something I was expecting. The second week was half the time feeling somewhat better, half the time feeling really bad still. Now it’s feeling mostly better but still not 100%. I feel so much better though!
Okay here’s my last weekly update from my pregnancy. (That just got me really sad to write that last sentence, part of me really misses being pregnant and the wonderful anticipation and feeling the baby move inside me and watching my belly grow and reading all about what’s happening each week.) I wrote this a day and half before I went into labor and had Elsa, so in many ways it’s some of my last thoughts during my pregnancy. It’s cool and poignant and emotional to look back on all these updates right now, and on my weekly photos and all that. And it’s also so amazing to now know that little Elsa was the little person growing inside me the whole time!
I’ll post my birth story and lots of photos soon!!!
WEEK: 39
MONTH: 9
TRIMESTER: 3
GENDER GUESS: Still boy. Slight possibility of a girl of course, but I really think it’s a boy. And this past we finally picked names – yayyyyyy I feel soooooo much better!!!! I LOVE our boy name, love it love it love it! And that’s huge for me cause I hardly loved any names, and the couple that I did had to be taken off the list for one reason or another (either Jody didn’t like it or friends just named their son something similar). I was really worried that I would never find a boy’s name that I loved. But now we have one and I’m so so so happy about it!!! We have a girl’s name, too – I’m still not 100% sure about it. It’s my suggestion and I’ve had it on my list for years, and like that it’s not super common but is easy enough and recognizable enough. Sometimes I like it a lot, other times it sounds a little too boring for me so I’m unsure still. It’s still at the top of the list cause Jody won’t like any of my other top choices, but I keep looking for other girls names just in case.
BABY’S HOMEWORK THIS WEEK: Still just gaining weight, losing the last of the white stuff that was covering its skin, and hopefully ready to come out soon and meet us!!!
BABY’S SIZE: Baby is just about fully cooked!! Hopefully it’s not a huge baby and is nice and petite and easy to push out!
BABY LOOKS LIKE: I can’t believe there’s a little person inside me, it seriously is almost unbelievable.
BELLY PHOTO: My wonderful friend Dorian just did a maternity shoot with Jody and I a couple nights ago!! She posted some teasers on her blog, I love them!!! My belly looks so big!! My legs do too unfortunately but I know that will go away, it’s just hard to see sometimes. But I LOVE my belly!!!! And I LOVE that Jody and I have sweet photos now of this amazing time!!!
WEIGHT GAIN: I’m at right about 45 pounds I think. Yuck, that’s so much more than I wanted! I look like a porker right now, and I think half of the weight is in my butt and upper legs. I actually had a breakdown a couple days ago about how huge I am, and I’m really starting to want my old body back (part of me still loves being pregnant and doesn’t want to lose my belly, but part of me is about ready to go back to myself – I know I’ll miss my belly afterward though).
SYMPTOMS: I’m feeling pretty uncomfortable now. I was before but it just keeps getting a little bit more every week, and now a couple days ago I passed from being very happy still being pregnant despite all the symptoms to kind of ready to have the baby, even though I still don’t feel totally prepared and still have things to do and still am nervous about labor.
My acid reflux is still very much there, although when I think about it, it hasn’t been quite as bad for the past couple days. My legs are humongous walruses from all the water retention, the skin is stretched so tight from it and my feet and ankles are of course massive. My feet get cold really easily (always have) so I usually always wear socks and slippers in the house. I hate that every single sock, even Jody’s looser-top socks, leave a huge indentation on my ankles/calves. So sometimes I just wear slippers if I can unless my feet get too cold. My legs are really bothering me right now though, cause I look at myself and they look massive and sooooooooooo unattractive. I look huge and fat from the waist down. Jody tells me I just look pregnant and that I have no control over how my body has responded to pregnancy – and I know he’s right, I know all this water retention is just what my body decided to do – but it still doesn’t make it any easier, I feel so ugly with it. I know my face is bigger too, and even my neck I think is bigger. I’m definitely looking forward to getting my old body back – hugely looking forward to it right now!
Movement is still hard. When I roll over in bed at night from one side to the other, I feel like a beached whale. I have to huff and puff and do it in about 3 steps, it’s partly really funny and partly frustrating. And getting out of bed is still hard, getting up from sitting is still hard, etc. etc. I’ve had some occasional cramping that feels like menstrual cramps which I see as a good sign. And for a couple days I had some soreness-type feeling in my middle back on the left side that came and went. But now nothing like that for the last day plus. I read on the October 2010 moms’ forum every day and read about some people who’ve had their babies and their birth stories, and read all the posts from women who want to have their babies and haven’t yet – so I’m becoming familiar with all the huge range of possible things at this stage – braxton hicks, losing (sorry for those who don’t know these quite graphic-sounding terms) the mucus plug, having bloody show, etc. I remember during the whole first trimester of my pregnancy, every time I went to the bathroom I’d look at my underwear to make sure there was no spotting. Now every time I go to the bathroom I’m looking at my underwear to see if the two above things have happened, it’s kind of funny how it’s all come around!
A week ago at my doctor appointment, he did an internal exam and I was soooooooo excited to find out that I was 75% effaced (cervix thinned out). But there was no dilation yet. It’s crazy reading on the forum, cause some women are partially effaced and dilated for weeks before going into labor, others hardly at all and go into labor just fine. So these numbers don’t necessarily mean that labor is imminent at all but it’s still so promising to hear! I have my next appointment tomorrow (Thursday) and I sooooooo hope to hear that there’s been more progress over the past week and that dilation has at least started! I won’t be posting this until sometime tomorrow anyway (I’m typing right now on Wednesday night) so I’ll add in what I found out at the doctor’s. [Note: on Thursday morning I was 80% effaced and only a dimple dilated - not enough for the doctor to get his finger in to help things move along. But then about 16 hours later my water broke - yay!!]
CURRENT MOOD: It’s crazy how different my mood and feelings are now compared to even three days ago! Then I was starting to think I may be ready to have the baby, mostly just to get my old body back and my old energy and range of movement and all that. But I was also still loving being pregnant and not in any rush at all. Now I’m thinking much more about having the baby and getting more excited about the imminence of it, although I still have all the same fears about being a new mom and how hard it will be and I still don’t feel ready cause I haven’t had time to read all the books I want to read, I’m now so much more focused on what’s soon going to happen rather than holding onto being pregnant. I think maybe a part of the change started last week when I found out I was 75% effaced, that really hit home then that we could potentially have the baby any day. And that’s when I started checking out the forum every day as well just to see what other women with due dates around me were experiencing, and I think all their talk about new babies being born, birth stories, frustration with labor not starting, etc. really has put me in a different mindframe from before.
I’m still pretty terrified of labor when I think about it. But for some reason I haven’t been focused on the scariness of it over the past few days – instead I’m apprehensive but more thinking about the outcome instead of the during part. Which may mean that when I do go into labor I completely freak out cause I haven’t processed all the scary stuff yet, but hopefully I’ll just take it one step at a time and hopefully Jody will be a big help to keep me relaxed and feeling not alone in it. It does feel good to not be constantly worrying about labor right now, that’s a nice change from before!
My parents are coming tomorrow night to visit for a few days and I’m sooooooooo excited!!!!!! I’m so happy they get to see me at the end of my pregnany with my waddle and big belly and huffing and puffing and everything!! And I’m so happy for especially my mom to be able to help me with lots of last-minute little things!! And just to hang out with them!! And I could go into labor while they’re here and they could be the first people, besides Jody and I of course, to meet our new little baby and their second grandchild!! Anyway I’m just so excited and happy about them coming and the next few days will be so fun!!!
Okay that’s it for now, I may add on tomorrow a bit after my OB appointment! It’s pretty amazing though to realize how different my mindframe is now from a week ago, then I was very nervous about lots of things, now I’m excited and anxious for the baby to come and to start this journey (scared as well still, but the excitement part is starting to take over!)! And I’m REALLY excited for my legs to stop retaining water after the baby is born so I’ll feel so skinny, even though I know it will be a few months before my body really gets back to normal.
And yes, I WILL miss being pregnant, I already know that. I LOVE my belly, I love how round it is, how hard it is, how perfect it feels, I love feeling the little feet kicking out, I love walking around with this perfect belly, going shopping with this perfect belly, seeing friends with this perfect belly, etc. I have loved this whole experience so much with all it’s various stages and changing symptoms and growing belly and new experiences. It’s something I’ve looked forward to literally for years – my first experience being pregnant! It’s so magical and so wonderful, despite all the not-so-fun symptoms, and honestly it’s also so fun having a lot of extra attention and well-wishes focused on me during this time. And it’s so fun planning, and looking forward to the next set of changes and reading what the baby is developing each week. It’s so wonderful and has been so wonderful. So while I’m now finally looking forward to having my body back and meeting this little baby and starting our new journey together as a family, I know there will also be moments when I cry from missing being pregnant, and from mourning that this special time is over. I’ll never again be pregnant for the first time and that really does make me sad when I think about it. Was my experience everything I dreamed it would be? No, it could have been better and I could have done more and could have been preparing more and could have been more organized throughout. I wish Jody hadn’t have been so busy with work during the entire summer so he would have been more present and excited with me and I wouldn’t have felt so alone during those times. But at least at the end, for the past month or so, it’s been really good – we’ve been getting things done, Jody has been excited and around, we’ve been decorating, we’ve gotten the baby’s room ready together, it’s been really good. So that makes me happy. So to summarize this big paragraph, I’m going to be partly really sad when it’s all over and I’m going to miss being pregnant, and will probably feel an emptiness for a couple days (I’ll be very cognizant of and paying attention to whether my sadness is ongoing or too strong of course). I know it will be a hard transition, and I fully expect the first couple months to be really trying and hard and exhausting and emotional as we learn to be new parents, so I’m so excited to get started with that and to meet our new little baby, but I also recognize that it’s not going to be all rainbows and butterflies. And yet I’m still mentally about at that point where I’m ready for the next step to start and ready to end the pregnancy part and start the family and being a mother part. I’m a little sad even hearing myself say that though, I do love this belly of mine and this whole experience! But also am pretty ready to meet this little boy or girl!
CURRENT FAVORITE FOOD OR CRAVING: I craved homemade macaroni and cheese last week, something fierce. I texted Jody the ingredients to get on his way home and made it as soon as he got home, and it was fabulous!!! And I’m still craving apple cider – my parents are bringing up a few gallons of it for me, I’ll get to drink yummy apple cider tomorrow night, yay!!!!
by Rebecca Whitney
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